5 tips to give better wedding toasts
It's wedding season and I've been thinking a lot about how to give a great toast. You may never get on stage, you may never give a presentation, but most of us at some point in our lives need to give a wedding toast. So how do you get it right? Having seen a LOT of them, here are my best tips.
#1: Don't start with the dictionary
Please, for the love of all that is holy, DO NOT begin your speech (or any speech) with "Webster's Dictionary defines love as…" and then look meaningfully at the happy couple as you read a definition aloud. This is always a bad idea, and I think I might have started a speech exactly like this at my best friend's wedding 20 years ago. I'm sorry, Jenny. You deserved better.
#2: Don't make it about yourself
Everyone knows you're not a professional speaker — unless you actually are one, in which case the pressure is on. So don't make the speech about yourself by saying things like, "Sorry, I wish I'd had more time to prepare." Just prepare more. And definitely don't say, "Sorry, I'm a little long-winded." Just cut the talk down! It is okay, however, to tell us you're a little nervous. That's endearing.
#3: Remember it's a TOAST, not a ROAST
Fellas — because it's almost always the groomsmen — save your off-color jokes about the groom's exploits for the bachelor party, not for when the bride's 80-year-old aunt is sitting right in front of you. Funny is good; funny at the expense of the bride or groom is not. If your talk were a movie, it would need a G or PG rating. Even PG-13 is pushing it for this particular day. And if you're funny, great — lean into that. Bonus tip: don't talk over laughter. Let people finish laughing before you start again.
#4: Keep it short
Two minutes is plenty. At a normal speaking pace, that's about 300 words. Remember: the best talks are too short, the worst talks are too long — especially when people are waiting to eat, dance, or get another drink. Go ahead and write a long version first, maybe 600 words, then cut and cut and cut until only the good stuff is left.
#5: Be specific
The best talks open with a specific, personal story — maybe about the first time the bride or groom told you about the person they were marrying. At a recent wedding, the best man read aloud a text he'd received from the bride, thanking him for introducing her to the man she was about to marry. It can also be about how happy you are that your friend finally found love. Just keep it specific. Not "Gary, I'm so happy you found love," but "Gary, I still can't believe you found someone who can navigate Class III rapids while holding a deep conversation about Nietzsche."
Need some support? I'd be happy to help.
If I can write an acceptance speech for a 17-year-old rodeo queen, I can definitely help you write a just-right toast for your best friend. Grab some time with me and let's see what we can come up with to bring down the house. And if you've got something meatier — a keynote, a presentation, a short-format talk — I'm here for that too.
